Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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