oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
