I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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