I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize