hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
