she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
