Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
