dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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