Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
