So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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