Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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