I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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