Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
