you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You need Xanax blowdarts
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I am never drinking with the goths again.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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