Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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