he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
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