It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
