Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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