Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Rumble strips road head = magical
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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