No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
do herpes really smell.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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