you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
