If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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