I cockslap morals
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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