:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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