i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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