Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
