So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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