i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
