Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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