she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
