Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
he fucked my hip out of place.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
