Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize