4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
