yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
