I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
