If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
