We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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