My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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