So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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