a queef is a wish your heart makes.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
