im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize