I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
