Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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