He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
