fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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