he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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