so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
