What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
