Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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