I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
