I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
