He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I had to cum in my sink.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
