Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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