Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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