Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
