sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
