The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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