Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
