On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
