party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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