Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
This baby is an asshole
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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