You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
