Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize