I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
