He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
No I am not eating basil off your cock
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
