Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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