dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
