The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
