I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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