i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
