i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
