Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
This toilet bowl is my home.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
