how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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