and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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