omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
