I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
