i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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