i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
