bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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