I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
