i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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