Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
