Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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