Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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