my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
