Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
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