she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize