I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
