the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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