he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
