see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
