We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
