i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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