I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
