I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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