the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
