I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize