My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
